I really, REALLY need to start focusing on myself.

No one else.

Just me.

Because only I can determine my happiness.

I am realizing…

That I will never get back my childhood that my father stole from me. The childhood I should’ve had, where he was the responsible father who provided for his family, and not have my mom do all the goddamned work. The childhood where he should’ve taught me how to defend myself… to know what guy to say “FUCK YOU!” to. To… I don’t know… DATE well matured guys my own age?

But no. He fucking USED me from the time I was 9 to 16. He raped me for 7 miserable goddamn years.

Shit.

I didn’t even start dating until I was 19, RIGHT before he died.

You wanna know why??

"You’re not good enough. Guys won’t go for girls who have low self confidence."

Oh. My. GOD.

I’m so furious at my father, even though he’s dead.

I literally want to throw his urn full of ashes across the room, break the damned thing, and cuss him out like no tomorrow, even though he is no longer alive on this frickin’ earth!

I need to live life for ME. ME, damn it. No one else.

I can’t believe it took me this long to realize this.

I will not let my father’s dumbass mistakes make or break who I decide to become.

No way in freakin’ hell.

I won’t let an abusive (dead!) asshole ruin or rule my life ANY MORE.

I’m a survivor. I am a woman. And I love myself.

So life….

BRING IT ON.

I am the key to my own future. And I cannot WAIT to see what my life has in store for me! <3

Survivors!! Follow my new blog!!

http://www.projectpeacebreakthesilence-love.tumblr.com/

I would appreciate it 100% since I will no longer be using this! Muahhhh! :)

-Rae

I'm a survivor as well. I'm also bisexual. Send me ur kik if you ever want to chat?
Anonymous

love_girls_13

I was unaware of the turmoil I must have caused you. I apologize, and if there's anything I can do to remedy it, just let me know!
Anonymous

It’s ok!
It’s my memories of what happened to me that I had suppressed within myself. You didn’t necessarily trigger it… it just happened.

People wonder why I have trust issues, and a difficult time with my lovers that I lrt in…
Blame my a hole, douchebag biological father.

-Rae

hotnicocoa:

Trigger Warning Briana Zora Libby 

"Locked bedroom doors make me nervous and that is not a metaphor"  

Reason number (#) 1 That Rae Will NEVER “Sext” Again…

Repressed memories.
Fuck me, they suck!!

I was sexting (I rarely do it) on Kik, and just a shit-ton of memories came up.
Like…. hmmmm…

My father fucking sexually assaulted me before he died.

I never put 2 + 2 together but ohhhh my gawd. Now that I have, I am PISSED.

1- What father exposes his daughter to nude pinups before she’s even hit puberty?!

2- What father leaves Playboy out so that his little girl can see it?!

3- What father gives his daughter a backrub, does psychotherapy on her… and has her wake up to no bottoms on that she clearly fell asleep with, AND remembers feeling physically touched in her dreams?! (When her mom was sound asleep, and he’d go into his daughter’s  bedroom she inherited at age 12).

4- What father says “You’re my angel. I love my beautiful girl so much” the morning after, giving her a look that he’d give other women that he’d hit on in front of her mother?!

I just… I can’t even…
FUCK.

Someone inbox me. Please!!

-Rae

itskirstylou:

If there was one message you can send to girls of any age, what would it be?

love love love

girlslikegirlsgetoverit:

itskirstylou:

truth.

yes

thechildofstyle:

find someone
who knows
you’re sad
just by the change
of tone in your
voice

be with someone
who loves the
feature that
you hate the most

fall inlove with
someone who
looks at you and
knows they don’t
want anyone else

R’J

Ok, for shit sake…

I’m snowed in at home- it’s frickin’ winter wonderland outside.
And I’m all alone & feeling lonely.
Could girls (bi, or gay) 18+ pleaseee message me? I will give you my kik, I promise. I just need a friend.

Thank you!

-Rae